HIATUS ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Hello it's me ! I am sorry! I have been living !

I know it’s been pretty quiet around here lately, and to that point, I don’t have much of an excuse. That’s the tricky thing about creative pursuits - all of your excuses are valid and yet, the validity seems to mean much of nothing when leaned up against the empty canvas staring back at you for months on end. You’ll either find a way to do it in-spite of it all or you won’t - and at the end of the day, it’s sixes. The world will never have the chance to know it, if you never do it.

I’ve walked myself around in this circle and while I agree with the sentiment, I also work a demanding full time job that hits it’s busiest season from Sept - Nov and I am slowly slipping out of it now. I moved out of my beloved downtown apartment in October and moved into a house in the suburbs with a close friend in search of creative solitude and enough space to work. I’ve been working 55+ hours a week, both packing and unpacking the entirety of my belongings, and squeezing in bits of time for the life that makes the rest of the bullshit seemingly worthwhile.

There are moments when I become so highly critical of my lack of creative results that it prevents me from starting, as if the race is no longer worth it if I already feel like I am falling behind. I have to remind myself that much like everything else, creativity is not linear. Consistency is really hard ! If I remain too rigid with my creative routine, I occasionally miss out on the opportunity to be a participating member in my own life. For that reason, I am allowing myself to remain in the interim, where I am hoping the tension can gently propel me outwards in both directions.

I only fail here if my life is wasted by not fully living or working on my creative pursuits. If I lose a little time on my work because life gets in the way, I hope that continues to mean my life too rich and meaningful and beautiful to miss out on. I love that problem ! Regardless of it’s impact on the made-up productivity timeline in my head.

I am exploring the ways in which I want this substack to grow and change alongside me and my ever-changing creative spirit. If you’re still here, I am grateful for it, and I want to extend a big thanks for being a reader. It’s been nearly two years of this ! And I don’t plan on stopping !

I applaud anyone holding onto any sort of creative, vulnerable practice or routine in this present world aiming to drain us of our ability to think, to read, to question, to explore, and to try. At the end of every history book chapter, there seems to be a small celebration for the folks who didn’t let their spirit die, and I think that impact is much more significant than it oftentimes feels when you’re in it.

That thought gets me out of bed in the morning, at least.
much more to say here, I suppose.

thank you for reading, xx
be back soon

e